Marital Counseling

Let's start with VALUES, where the rubber meets the road in any close relationship, marital or otherwise. What is your value system? Does it differ from your partner's? If value systems differ in a marriage you're still "all-in", reflect on times when compromise has been successful. Ultimately, the ability of a marriage to withstand the tests of time must rely on you and your spouse as a team. There's wisdom in "a house divided against itself cannot stand." If you're in need of support in this most sensitive and lonely of all possible situations--taking a stand on a value-oriented matter--I can help. I understand how lives knit after the "I Do's," for better and  worse. I realize some marriages are entered into after years of acquaintance and "homework"--only to smash against a Titanic-size iceberg never foreseen. I also know some marriages are begun almost casually, for the very reason that intuition tells two hearts all that's necessary when they decide, for example, to interrupt a first date to rescue that stray on a dark highway. 

Shared values make communication easy, but sometimes communication itself is the problem. For a reason we can't communicate to ourselves, we need outside support to help us see that we're unable, afraid, or lacking modeling from our own parents' marriage to say words necessary for our spouse to hear, in order to launch out into the deep: a values-based life. I can help you with problems of marital communication, ideally with your partner. If you or your spouse aren't ready for couples counseling, one-on-one therapy is better than none.

Intimacy can be achieved and needs met only when we're willing to realize that our spouse is as much a work of art and work-in-progress as we are. 

Not all marriage counseling will have the ending you anticipate when you begin to see a therapist. Maybe you want a counselor to validate your urge to divorce--but hear, "Slow down." Maybe you'll seek a therapist as a way to purchase hope, when you already know your union is irretrievably broken. Instead of getting what you thought you were paying for, your stories of abuse, belittlement, and emotional and sexual estrangement motivate the responsible therapist to show concern for your actual safety.

Marital counseling is an effort. No effort in the pursuit of true love is EVER wasted, whether the true love you're fighting for is a healed marriage or, possibly, a healed self.

I'd be honored to help you in trying times within your marriage.

​© 2018 Valerie Palencar MS, LPC

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